Tuesday, November 21, 2006

FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS

Recently, allegedly, Mr. Dick Cheney stated that regardless of the election results, if the Israeli’s attack Iran (or any country with oil, which he and his No-Bid contractors, now covet and would like to steal, which is virtually any country with oil) America will attack Iran. He supposedly said, in essense, the president decides who and when to attack and he loves attacking anything that lives, moves, or is dormant as long as it will suffer even a little bit, but hopefully more.

Meanwhile, (allegedly) Mr. Bush was busy saying that he is such a compassionate guy that his chef is designing a mock turkey made of Polenta, Czech Dumplings, Tofu and vegetables, signifying his, kinder gentler presidency. In short, he is sparing the Goose or Turkey and sending his to the needy. He then launched into a report of his staff’s leisurely activities over the holidays, which we here, now question:

Is Mr. Rove really quite busy trying to undo the Gordian knot of Barbed Wire Mr. Bush allegedly tied him up in after the election results were released? Is Mr. Rove also sending to Mr. Fitzgerald weekly reports on everyone in the White House as a fulfillment of a sealed plea-bargain to nail Mr. Cheney? Gee, if only they’d let him alone so he wouldn’t have to go to jail, because a 475 pound guy named Tyrone “Soap-Dropper” Nailesum has volunteered to be his cellmate and sent along a box of chocolate and flowers by way of welcoming him to cell block #69, when he arrives.

Allegedly Mr. Wolfowitz, is busy pounding his head against his concrete office wall, taking in vain the names of Bush, Rove and Cheney, and Dr. Howard Dean.

Is Mr. DeLay really holding a weekly Black Mass, to his alleged mentor and alleged look-alike, Beelzebub?

Is Mr. Cheney, quite joyfully, busy practicing Water-Boarding and Burning alive, on the Thanksgiving Goose sent him by Mr. Bush? Is Mr. Bush busy buying Mr. Cheney a new Shotgun, new glasses, and a healthy supply of some Cola laced by the CIA with Chlorpromazine Hydrochloride (Phenothiazine), Thorazine, Haldol, Clozaril and Risperdal, and all the other the happy little Benzodiazepines, along with a dose or two of Milltown, Prozac and Alcohol?

Despite all of this, if I were the Democrats, I would ask Justice to tap the phones of all of the above, because I believe that they may now be scheming to entice the Israeli’s to attack Iran, and then leap in under our treaty, by stretching it’s interpretation. Is the CIA busy trying to provoke a war with Iran or Syria or any number of other nations? Are they also planning to covertly stage an incident to which one of those on the Bush Hit-list may respond, in order to frame them into provoking war?

Mr. Bush, dump Mr. Cheney and the others mentioned above, and do the greatest Christian thing that can be done for America... RESIGN!

Oh, and the Dems should dump Mr, Carvel, he hasn’t guessed right since 1992 and his wife is a Republican “Strategist”, ummm, let’s see what is wrong with that picture, ummm… something, err, ummm, hmmm, I’ll figure it out, his wife is a Republican Stratigist, so he lives with a Republican “Strategist” hmmm, Oh I know what’ is wrong,
HIS WIFE IS A REPUBLICAN STRATEGIST, THUS HE LIVES WITH A REPUBLICAN STRATEGIST!!!

Posted by PETE BAGNOLO at 1:14 PM Links to this post


A FONDNESS FOR PEANUT BUTTER
November 26 2006

Of Late, I have become very fond of eating and sniffing the new WILBERFORCE'S CHUNKY PEANUT BUTTER, which WILBERFORCE has laced with herring and chives.

Anyway there was something about the peanut butter with herring and chives that reminded me of a girl I dated who looked a lot like a herring and her sister like chives, so when they were together...
Actually, they were identical twins, but they were each identical to someone other than their sister. One was identical to her postman, the other to a shoebox. The shoebox girl, would eat anything, and so we fondly referred to her by her Christian name, "GoatGirl".

Freud grew interested in their case because he lived on the same block and had reason to believe he had placed his slippers in the mouth of the one who looked like a shoe box when she came to his door thinking she was ordering to-go, and he gave a special delivery letter to the other. The letter arrived at its intended destination as did the postal sister, thinking she had inadvertently, changed jobs.

Needless to speculate on the fate of the slippers which were placed in GoatGirl's mouth. She thought Freud fed them to everyone in the neighborhood as a sort of good neighbor, free group therapy. To this day people insist she left Freud's house and asked his neighbors if Ketchup or Dijon-Honey-Mustard, go better with Freudian slippers, which are a lot unlike Freudian Slips.

The Postman look-alike-sister showed up in the high mountains of Nepal Guided by the Abominable Snow-Guy, both seeking the local Special Delivery Office for a reply to Freud's letter. There was no reply but she and the Abominable SnowGuy, fell hopelessly in love, (But not necessarily, with each other), nonetheless he proposed to her, but she would marry him only on the condition that he get a complete body shave and move with her to Belize. He did, and they moved, but he had ongoing problems with overexposure to the sun. His doctor advised him to grow a protective coat of summer fur. Following the loss of her identical sister, the shoebox lady quit ordering out, but caught quitters remorse because she missed the pungency of Freud's slippers.

Freud eventually caught pneumonia walking about barefooted, and HIS doctor advised him to either buy new slippers or try growing a coat of seasonal fur on his feet.
A very sad tale, at best.

If this is narrative is too silly or too long, write THE BELOW to discontinue your subscription.

(THIS IS THE BELOW FOR DISCONTINUING YOUR SUBSCRIPTION. I AM NO LONGER TO BE FOUND AT THIS ADDRESS, please go away and don't bother us. Thanks, THE BELOW)

Posted by PETE BAGNOLO at 11:45 AM Links to this post

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